It Must Have Been the Mistletoe (12 Days of Kissmas) by M.L. Broome

Author:M.L. Broome [Broome, M.L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: TerraCotta Dragon Arts
Published: 2021-12-11T18:30:00+00:00

* * *

Dear Penny,

We landed in Germany today, but I haven’t seen a damn thing except for the hotel. At least it has a mini-bar, which has become my principal source of sustenance these last few months. That, and pounding out my aggression on the drums every night.

The fans are unbelievable. At first, I figured they were only there to see Mya, since the woman loves the spotlight, but two teenagers approached me backstage and told me that I convinced them to keep playing. They realized they wanted to be like me when they grew up. I didn’t mention that my life is nothing like the sheen of success they see. How I wear it like a cloak to cover the loneliness. Why ruin their dreams when I did enough damage ruining my own?

A few of the guys are heading to the tattoo parlor for some new ink, and asked me to join. I’m staring at the tattoo we got together, only a few months into our friendship. Even then, I knew I loved you, but I didn’t have the guts to say the words. I wish I had told you that first night how you changed my world and made it better.

Instead, I left it to you and some whisky to pick up my slack, but I’ve never been happier than when you told me how you felt. Except, of course, for our first kiss in the pub, where I knew I’d never let you go.

Turns out, I didn’t. You did, but I don’t blame you for leaving. I’m not angry anymore. At least, not at you, but the loathing I feel for myself grows daily. No one will tell me where you are, and perhaps they’re right to do so.

I let you down. I let us down. Followed a dream that has morphed into a monster, consuming me whole.

Maybe I should join the guys and cover this reminder of you with something meaningless, much like my life now. To think of what I gave up to chase this dream makes me sick.

I should have chased after you that night in the hotel and demanded you give us another chance. Made you realize that I was worth the risk, but the truth is, I don’t know if I am.

I hope you’re happy, wherever you are, and that you’re smiling. You have the best smile on the planet, and no one has ever looked at me the way you do… did.

Past tense, that’s what we are now. A footnote in the memoir of my life, but I promise you this, Penny. If I’m ever lucky enough to find you again, I’ll make all your dreams come true… even if they’re not with me.

Always and forever yours,

Jackson

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